Product Announcement — The Ark 9000

Friday, February 23rd, 2007 4:32 pm by Neal
The Ark 9000™ by Chicken Little, Inc. (CLI) is designed to protect you and your possessions during the coming “great flood” until the human race is sufficiently destroyed for Mother Earth to return to normal.

P R E S S         R E L E A S E
Contact: Con R. Tist
(202) 555-1234 Voice
(202) 555-4321 Fax
February 23, 2007
Chicken Little, Inc. introduces The Ark 9000

Washington, D.C. – February 23, 2007 – CLI is proud to announce The Ark 9000™ — the latest release in the Opportunity Hysteria line of products which serve to promote peace of mind to terrified liberals the world over.

The Ark 9000™ is designed to provide shelter, security, and comfort during the coming “Great Flood,” which will smite the unbelievers of Global Warming the world over. You know it’s coming — you can feel it in your heart — and now you can do something about it besides whine.

“Don’t be caught unprepared!”

Your family and friends may laugh at you now, but you’ll get the last laugh when they’re clinging to the roof of their homes — begging you to let them onboard The Ark 9000™. Rescue your liberal friends and let those bastard conservative “deniers” drown while you play God!

The Ark 9000™ is constructed of rugged, tropical hardwoods that were eco-harvested in the rain forests of Guatemala and purchased with UN-certified carbon credits, so you can rest assured that while you prepare for the eco-rapture, you won’t actually be contributing to it. “The Ark” is constructed at our environmentally-friendly plant in Cuba by the indigenous natives using the latest technologies from our subsidiary tool company, Luddite Tools, specializing in rock hammers, bamboo nails, and other renewable tool resources. Our employees are always paid the minimum wage, receive free health care, and are only chained together with “worker friendly” hemp rope chains supplied by Our Brother’s Keeper out of Caracas, Venezuela.

Call for pricing information and volume discounts.

Chicken Little, Inc. specializes in products that exploit the fear of timid liberals who are afraid of their own shadow. CLI has been allaying liberal fear through it’s innovative product lines since 1984.

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