Friday Night Jokes
Friday, July 27th, 2007 7:23 pm by NealIt’s been awhile, but here’s another round of Friday night jokes to lighten your load a bit for the weekend.
Here’s one from GPBurdell called “The Test.”
A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line.
When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn’t want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.
The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, from S.C. got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there’s no way in hell I can pass that test.”
Ha ha ha! Now that’s pretty darned funny. Good one, George.
Here’s one from Uncle Jiles called “How to call the Police.”
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said “no”. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now cause I’ve just shot them all.” Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the Burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!” George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
Hah! That little trick could come in handy.
Here’s one more. This one’s courtesy of Mom and Dad and is called “Lone Ranger and Tonto.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?”
The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.”
“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, “Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo shit. It mean someone stole tent!”
Hee hee! It’s all a matter of perspective.
We hope you enjoyed those. Before you know it, we’ll be all serious again, but everybody needs a break now and then.